Three Dog Night: My Failure to Find the “Perfect Pet”

There is a story behind the name of the well-known 1970s band “Three Dog Night.”  The girlfriend of one of the vocalists told this story to the band members:

On cold nights in Australia, Indigenous people would sleep in a hole in the ground, with a dingo curled up next to them to keep them warm.

A chillier night required two dogs.  And if it was freezing, it was a “three dog night.”


“Three Dog Night” should conjure images of warmth and loyalty.  For me, however, the phrase is one that pops into my head when More


My Experience With PPD: When Intrusive Thoughts Become Harmful Thoughts

(Prepare yourselves.  It’s a long one.)

Several months ago, in the midst of sleep deprivation and Postpartum Depression (PPD), my anger became hard to control. I was angriest around nap time and bedtime, especially when those times didn’t go as planned. This was when I started to have thoughts about cutting.

When Beatrix interrupted Milo’s nap or if I was having a hard time getting both of them to sleep at night, I would become enraged. There were many times that I yelled at Beatrix, letting all my rage out on her. I knew it was misplaced anger, that my daughter was just being a typical three-year-old. I felt extreme guilt about this.

There was a night when Beatrix was pushing my buttons. Milo was in my arms, almost asleep. The lights were off and I was sitting in the rocking chair. Beatrix was in bed, still awake. More

My Experience with PPD: Intrusive Thoughts

(One of my goals with this blog is to explain what my experience has been with Postpartum Depression.  This post is about intrusive thoughts. If you have high anxiety or tend to ruminate or obsess, you may want to stop reading.  Some of the thoughts are frightening and are described in some detail.)

I knew I had Postpartum Depression (PPD) after Milo was born, but I felt like it was manageable. I didn’t think I needed a support group,therapy or medication.  And then, four months postpartum, I had a panic attack and began to have intrusive thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are unpleasant and unwanted thoughts and images. They can interfere with one’s ability to continue their normal activities. They are not hallucinations. People who have hallucinations, sometimes experienced with Postpartum Psychosis, tend to feel that their thoughts are rational and may feel the need to act on them. People who have intrusive thoughts do not want to act on them. The thoughts can cause fear, anxiety and guilt. 

My intrusive thoughts were visual, like a video playing in my mind that I couldn’t turn off. The fear in me was visceral, as if someone had their grip on my intestines while at the same time pressing all the air out of my lungs. More

That Mom

I’m in my early twenties, doing my grocery shopping at Meijer. In line in front of me is a woman with two children. A baby girl, maybe a year old, is sitting in the grocery cart, sucking on the cart and getting drool everywhere. She has a snotty nose. Her older brother, around three years old, is fingering all the candy bars.

“Mom, I need this. It’s my favorite.”

The mother ignores him and continues to unload the cart onto the belt.

The little boy falls to the floor again and begins to scream.

“Mom! I need the M&M’s! I need them! I’m going to get them!”

“Get up right now!” she says in an audible whisper, teeth clenched.

“I’m not getting up! I want the M&M’s! We’re getting the M&M’s!” He continues to lay on the floor.

Mom grabs him by the arm, yanks him up and swat! She strikes him on the bottom.

“You need to be quiet right now! We are not getting the M&M’s!”

He stands silent for a brief second, then lets out a never-ending wail.

I try not to look. I’m looking at the magazine rack. I can’t believe she just spanked her kid in the store. That’s so trashy.

I’ve seen it before and I can just imagine that kind of mom at home with her kids. You know, she’s the type that sits around watching TV while her children run around with no supervision or discipline. That’s why her kids are little brats. No one has taken the time to discipline them.

Yes, I am able to deduce from the little snippet of her life that I’ve seen here at the grocery store that this mom is a bad mom. More

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