I know my Postpartum Depression is getting better when my first reaction to this…
…was to grab the camera and then laugh hysterically.
(Breastmilk and sweet potato spit-up, just in case you were wondering.)
Good News: Breastmilk Doesn’t Sting the Eyes
06 Mar 2011 2 Comments
in Children, Motherhood, Postpartum Depression Tags: children, Milo, motherhood, photos, spit-up
The Cloud is Lifting
28 Feb 2011 1 Comment
in About, Children, Motherhood, Postpartum Depression Tags: Beatrix, children, Milo, motherhood, parenting, postpartum depression, PPD
Just last night, as I was rocking Milo to sleep, a thought tiptoed through my brain.
I wonder if I should have another baby. I’m good at this.
Wait. What?
The thought skittered away almost as quickly as it came. I don’t want another child, at least not right now. Stewart got a vasectomy last summer, and we both agreed if we wanted more children and were financially able to do so, we would adopt.
So, why did I have that thought? It may have had something to do with the warmth of Milo against my chest, his soft breaths intermingling with mine, while Beatrix slept in her bed next to the rocking chair, snuggled beneath her sleeping bag, two blankets, stuffed animals and dolls. The more probable reason, however, is because I’m finally breaking through this cloud of despair called Postpartum Depression and beginning to love my life.
Yes, that’s right, I’m on the other side now, or at least I’m getting close.
It’s at this time I start to wonder why it’s been so hard for me. Why wasn’t I able to care for my children like I wanted? Why couldn’t I clean my house or get dressed every day? When Milo was born, I wondered why it was so hard for me to take care of Beatrix when she was a newborn. She slept most of the day and there was only one of her!
I don’t ponder these questions for too long. The answer is clear. Postpartum Depression is an illness. It is not something I chose. I could not “snap out of it.” The loss of control over my own thoughts was the scariest and most debilitating part. I experienced anger, depression, irritability, apathy and anxiety – sometimes all in one day.
For those who are new to this blog, Postpartum Depression, or PPD, is the common term used for what is more accurately described as Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders. PPD is only one form of this illness, as it can can manifest in so many ways. Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders include Pregnancy and Postpartum Depression, Anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, as well as Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Postpartum Psychosis. Some women experience more than one of these disorders.
I imagine, like any mental illness, it is difficult to understand for those who have never experienced it. One of my goals with this blog is to help people know what it’s like to have PPD, and to help other moms suffering with PPD to feel less alone.
I have been working on a post about what it’s been like for me, but realized it’s much too long to be a single post, so I will break it into two or three parts. I am scared to put it out there, and I also feel empowered because of it. It’s an honest, unfiltered account of some of my scariest and darkest experiences, much of which I haven’t shared with anyone beyond my husband, therapist, support group and close family and friends.
I’m ready to share this part of my story now. I’m so thankful to have writing as an outlet for me. I hope that others suffering will find a healthy outlet as well, and I hope that those reading who have never experienced PPD will gain a better understanding of this illness.
I wanted to post something sooner, but life got in the way. Sorry about that!
Stay tuned…more posts to come.
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Dear Milo
04 Feb 2011 11 Comments
in Children, Motherhood Tags: children, Milo, motherhood, parenting, photos
Dear Milo,
I have decided that you are the cutest baby boy on the planet. Your handsomeness overwhelms me and I love your spirit and charisma. But there are a few things we need to talk about, li’l Bub.
I don’t know how many times you woke me up in the middle of the night this week. I lost count. Do you think you could stop doing that soon? Or maybe learn a word. Like “Daddy.”
You started walking last week. There have been a lot of bumps, bruises and crying. True, you are twenty-three pounds of awesomeness, but More
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And They’ll Know We are Mothers by Our Guilt
30 Jan 2011 13 Comments
in Motherhood Tags: guilt, motherhood, parenting, postpartum depression, PPD
My father came to me with an idea when I started The Lorix Chronicles.
“You should write about natural health and cloth diapers and that sort of thing.”
My mind flashed back to two years ago, when my daughter was a year and a half. I wanted to start a blog called Informed and Aware, about cloth diapers,vaccinations,breastfeeding and the many choices we have as parents. I was going to help people become informed…and aware. Even with the load of parenting magazines and books about parenting, I thought parents were uninformed and unaware.
“Dad, there are a lot of blogs and websites like that already. I think I’ll just stick to what I’ve been writing.”
“But you use cloth diapers and homeopathic medicines and all of that. I think people would want to know more about it.”
“No, Dad. Parents get that stuff shoved down their throats all the time. They don’t need more of it.”
What I meant to say was “I don’t need more of it.” I’ve had enough. More
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Beatrix, Budding Photographer
28 Jan 2011 8 Comments
in Children, Motherhood Tags: Beatrix, children, motherhood, photos
It appears Beatrix got her hands on my new camera. She loves taking pictures. Not too long ago, she took random shots of the ceiling and lots of blurry pictures that I end up deleting. But when I looked at these photos I thought She has such a great perspective. I think they’re artsy. For a three-year-old.
Remember when you were young and everything was huge and so out-of-reach?
That’s me. In my pajamas. With flour and snot and spit-up on them. I think it was about 6 PM. More
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Sleep Deprived and Over the Edge
16 Jan 2011 16 Comments
in Motherhood, Postpartum Depression Tags: intrusive thoughts, motherhood, parenting, postpartum depression, PPD, sleep deprivation
From last August until present, Milo has not been sleeping well and, therefore, neither have I. Up until last October, he never had a schedule or routine. Taking advice from a friend in my postpartum support group, I read the book The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems, written by a British woman named Tracy Hogg. The author’s philosophy is to teach your baby to put himself to sleep. You don’t let him cry it out, but you don’t rock or hold or nurse him until he falls asleep in your arms. I liked that she took a middle-of-the-road approach, so I decided to try it.
I put him on a schedule in order to teach him how to nap during the day and sleep during the night, but I didn’t stick to the Baby Whisperer’s philosophy, which may be why he’s not sleeping through the night (she guarantees it works!). I don’t have the patience to pick-up and put-down my child for an hour while he cries. During the middle of the night. Multiple times. For several nights (two weeks, maximum!). I have learned some ways to get him back to sleep More
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The Lorix Chronicles 